It was a fun summer in 2012, had some fun friends, and some good times. We were enjoying our boys, we camped out and traveled to Michigan to see my family. We were enjoying our perfect life. Yet, I felt like something was missing. After John and I talked about it briefly, very briefly actually.. together we decided to get pregnant.. and it happened very quickly, so quickly I think john was pretty scared lol, I told him it would be ok ♥
So I did some searching and decided to go with midwife care this time. I made my first appt for 12 weeks. I waited a long time to announce to anyone I was even pregnant. I had some spotting at 9 weeks, and I was so scared. I went in and had an ultrasound. That morning on the way in I called the one other person I trust and love with all my heart, my dad. He answers and says “what’s up”.. I say, “well I’m on my way into the dr’s office”. He asks “for what?.. and I tell him “your going to be grandpa again!”…. he chuckles and says “really?”, I spilled some tears and my fears, and he said it would all be ok. I got to the dr’s office and they confirmed our little baby’s heart was healthy, and doing just fine. I rented a home heart doppler after that, and man was that reassuring to hear our little blueberry any time we wanted to. The next couple weeks I was able to do some research, after being a birth photographer for a couple years and photographing many, from home water birth to c-sections, I knew what kind of pregnancy I wanted, and didn’t want, and knew what kind of birth I wanted as well. I wanted to keep my pregnancy and birth as natural as I possibly could being I had been induced with my other kids because of having gestational diabetes. I wanted to keep very healthy this time. I attended yoga prior to getting pregnant, and kept it up, sometimes 2 times a week. One day in class, and at least one day at home. I felt great! Not a lot of morning sickness, just food aversions and being tired the first few weeks. I also knew from previous pregnancies that I would get gestational diabetes again, and possibly even sooner.. and yep, by 11 weeks along my blood glucose numbers were on the rise. I did everything I possibly could to keep from going on insulin this time. It was crazy! I ate cinnamon! Yes, it helps! But when your hormones take over from pregnancy, there comes a point it won’t work anymore, sadly I was on bedtime insulin by 23 weeks. I was able to hold if off and work hard at avoiding it much later then it was with my previous pregnancies tho. I’m pretty proud of that, I worked my butt off, and did so much research about it, I did everything I possibly could.
So I finally announced to the world that I was pregnant at 16 weeks, as you can see there was just no hiding it any more! (it’s not easy taking your own photo, let me tell you how hard it is to press a button on a remote with your teeth, and then Photoshop another photo and merge to make it look right lol)
I also made the decision not to find out our baby’s gender.. I kinda made that choice for john too.. he was not 100% on board with it, but I think it turned out for the better anyways lol. (thanks hunny) there were so many things I wanted so different this time. I really wanted a home birth.. I went back and forth for weeks with the idea, even thinking hey maybe I could get away with an unassisted home birth. (yeah right!) .. I kept in contact with a home birth midwife in hopes things could change. But being I’m a gestational diabetic it’s just not safe to do a home delivery. In case there are any problems, it’s safest to have your baby in a hospital. So then my 20 week scan came around.. I told the radiologist, PLEASE don’t let us see gender! lol.. everything looked great, our little baby was healthy.. and BREECH! ok so I wasn’t too worried about baby being breech yet. but that part will come lol…
So after some weeks going by, I’m getting to know my new care team and staying pretty comfortable, I’m so thankful for the two midwives working at the Cambridge Medical Center, they put so much trust in me. Anyone having a baby, I highly recommend going to them. They knew I had strong intentions of having a healthy pregnancy, and knew that I would do what it takes to make sure my baby was safe and healthy. And I also knew when to give in no matter how big headed I was lol… like I said, I fought hard to not get on insulin… and to have all the things I wanted. But as soon as insulin started I had to be seen by an ob. It was just the rules of the Midwives, they had to have that second opinion. The first ob I seen seemed ok at first. I went into the clinic ready for a fight tho… I didn’t want to get induced. I didn’t want to force my glucose numbers to go so low that I felt like crap, and I knew this diet from previous pregnancies and I didn’t want to be told new rules and get more tests. I actually refused the 3 hour test, and only got the one hour test. (mamma’s yes you are allowed to do this) I wanted to do things my way and that was it.. I knew what I wanted, and I didn’t want to be told otherwise. The visit went well actually it seemed. As our discussion moved toward talking about the end of my pregnancy, I then told her I didn’t want to be induced this time. She didn’t hesitate to tell me inductions because of big babies from diabetes is not something she does, and let me know she was on my side and it would not get discussed unless I had scary glucose numbers or there was any signs of problems with baby…. sadly.. she was lying. My next visit I seen the midwife, I just happened to see on my chart that the ob wrote “I was to be induced at 39 weeks”… for what? simply because she wanted it that way and that was it. I was only 24 weeks, how on earth could she make that choice after I said I didn’t want to be induced, I was healthy, I was gaining proper wight, my belly was measuring perfect, there was no reason to be putting that on there that soon even… I was enraged.. I didn’t see her again. I chose to see my midwifes husband, who is an ob there as well. He was great! I still giggle because he does not look like the kind of guy that delivers baby’s, he is a bigger guy with a white beard, and seen him multiple times wearing a yellow MN sweatshirt.. lol! I like seeing him because he never touched me, Never tried to examine me, in fact I never even seen him open my chart on the computer. With every office visit, he looked at ME, and talked to ME.. seeing many ob’s with all my pregnancies I have to say I enjoyed seeing him the most. He talked to ME, as a real person. Also he was hands off just like I wanted. He looked at my log book for my glucose numbers and was great, that was the only reason I was seeing him anyways. His idea of gd was right where mine was, and he knew I had educated myself and knew what I was doing. There were times when I didn’t have my log book and he smiled and said, “don’t worry, I trust you” :). what a great guy..
I also hired a doula! I was enjoying my pregnancy, and my boys. It was the holidays , and I was enjoying some good food too 😉 I felt great, and my pregnancy was so great!
As weeks go on, I’m excited I found my birth photographer, of coarse I would hire someone! I also knew who I wanted to photograph my maternity photos. Thanks again Erin, I love them!! ( Erin Horn Photography)
So because of gestational diabetes, those darned tests called non stress tests, and biophysical profiles needed to start by 34 weeks. I really thought my awesome ob would let them slide till 36 weeks, but because of the first witch ob conflicting stuff in my chart, to make it so nothing was legally wrong they had them start at the 34 weeks. Oh well. ugh, so they started weekly. The NST is just monitoring baby’s heart rate from abut 15 minutes to 30 minutes. They watch for excels in the baby’s heartbeat. And count how many kicks. The biophysical profile is an ultrasound that looks at blood flow in the placenta/cord, measured fluid, looks for fetal moment, and practice breathing. Passed every time! By then I was seeing the ob every other visit from the midwifes. But going weekly for these tests. It was very hard NOT to look for a gender going in every week for an ultrasound, trust me, it was tempting. But I never looked. I always was sure to remind the same tech to stay away from that area.
oh.. I forgot to mention. that this little baby was still breech.. yep. Starting to be concerned now into 30 some weeks.. it’s getting later and later, and less likely for baby to flip as time goes on. Doing yoga every week, I swore there was some serious flipping going on with all those yoga moves. But perhaps it was just the odd feeling of baby being breech that i didn’t have experience with, I’m not sure. I started looking into breech birth options, I figured it was the smart thing to do. At least I’d know all my options…. and sadly.. there really is no options other then a c section. At least for my case because I was supposed to be delivering in the hospital. Perhaps it would have been different for a home birth… for moms out there ok with surgery, more power to ya.. I’m not. I was in panic mode. I didn’t want surgery. I would never settle for it. I was not going to make my body go through major surgery especially since I was healthy, and so was my baby. There was no emergency. I called my doula weekly to update her about it, “I’d cry, Paula I don’t want surgery” …I found some options, and was prepared to drive to Wisconsin to have our baby vaginally, no kidding! I also asked some trusty birth photographers what they knew about breech pregnancies.. a few suggested homeopathic meds.. hu? what’s that?. pulsatilla. hmmm. So I started searching, found lots of information about it. I went to the health food store and purchased it. It was a lower dose then suggested, but I figured I’d give it a try. So 36 weeks is coming up.. take the dosing for 3 days like it suggested, and I swore baby had flipped.. that morning of my 36 week appt I feel the familiar hard lump below my ribs still.. 😦 it was still a head. This hard lump I’d been feeling for so many weeks was actually very uncomfortable. It felt very strange and it was a very real, scary reminder that I had a big possibility to have to have a c section. I spent lots of time trying cold packs on my upper belly, sitting upside down, poking, playing music on my belly, yoga moves. ..even putting cloths pins on pressure points on my toes.. seriously, I was trying everything. Even going to the chiropractor, seeing two actually, it didn’t do anything. I was almost ready to give up the battle.. tho in my mind i knew there was no way I could let a c section happen.. the week of the 37 week appt, I felt that lump still.. I called john and cried while I waited for his mom to meet me to pick our son up to watch him during my appt.. in fact I cried all morning, I knew baby was still breech. And my weekly ultrasound confirmed it. I was scheduled to see the ob that day, he told me there was no option in this hospital for breech birth, and even possibly threatened me that there would be problems if i tried to fight it. There was no way that it could ever happen there.. I was devastated, I cried and cried. That afternoon I got home still in tears, I laied on the couch and took a larger dose of the pulsatilla.. and within a half hour I felt my belly relax, and baby kinda slide sideways.. I thought could this be? is baby trying to flip?.. so I pushed the little head very gently, and baby slide around, and suddenly knew baby had finally flipped head down.. YES!.. now.. over the next couple days, I started feeling a bit of the normal pressure in my hips that I had felt with my other pregnancies. But had not with this one, I also felt some serious high kicks, and was able to watch my belly dance around for the first time. I hadn’t got to experience that at all because baby was breech the whole time. kicking down, you can’t see movement down there. I was excited, and knew I was in the clear. We went ice fishing that weekend, and it was the best weekend I had in a very long time. My stress was gone, and I knew everything was going to be ok. It was such a relief to see my belly dancing that way, and an even bigger relief at my 38 week ultrasound appt to see baby was INDEED head down! 🙂
Being so relieved I can finally relax, my precious boys wanted to paint my belly and had been bugging me about it for so long… so we had fun doing so! We also made some beaded necklaces and discussed all the neat things about having a new baby, and when we thought this little bundle would join our family.
still passing all my weekly appointments, I see the ob for the last time, he shook my hand and kinda gives me a sideways hug, and says you can see the midwifes from now on, till 41 weeks, good luck! My midwife seen me for my 39 week appt the following week and all was still well.. and I go home to wait..
so now we get to the best part… where my birth story really begins.
The morning of 39 weeks 5 days, Walker wakes me up about 1:30 am.. why? I don’t know. I put him back to bed, and I get back in bed as well. Laying there thinking and wondering when this baby would decide to come into our world, all the things that could happen, and when. How would my labor go, which midwife would get to be there.. an hour passes and notice no movement from baby. ok.. so I start poking. Normally a little poke gets a kick back. Nothing. Ok, so poke some more.. 1/2 hour.. nothing. I get up and drink 3 glasses of water.. still poking. No movement. So 2 hours go by and I’m not feeling any kind of movement. I mean, I poked and moved my belly pretty darn hard. I was scared. I got john up finally about 5am, I was in tears, “John I think something is wrong, baby isn’t moving”. He get’s up and makes coffee, I drink a cup, have another 2 glasses of water and drink a glass of juice. 3 hours go by and no movement. John calls his mom, I call labor and delivery. They tell me to come in and get monitored. They also say to try to eat while I’m waiting to get there, it may help. So johns mom gets to our home to be with our boys, and john and I leave. I thought I felt a movement, but wasn’t sure, it was so small it could have been gas bubble who knows. It was just so tiny I wasn’t sure.. I also called my doula at this point, we all leave about the same time, and she meets us at the hospital.
We get up to the room. and I’m just a mess, I’m tired, and scared. I fear the worst. I kept thinking what if it’s the diabetes. What if I should have let the dr just induce me days ago. Did I make the right choices. I felt horrible. Did I do this, am I responsible. .. Johns holding my hand and the nurse comes in and rubs my arm… she says “Lets get this on you honey” and puts the belt on my belly.. thump thump thump thump. 143 bpm. It was like angels were singing. I closed my eyes and just cried, I thanked god that my baby was still here. We notice I’m having some contractions on the monitor. I felt them, but they were not pain full.. but very interesting…. They were about 15-20 minutes apart or so. So that was the morning before of my 40 week check up. So my midwife comes in and says, we could strip the membranes to see if that can help these contractions, and perhaps get labor going. Because I was so scared already I wanted my baby here, and to know he/she was safe, I was ok with that. After the very painful procedure, she says go home, rest and I bet I’ll see you back here this afternoon I bet. If not, you have the option to come back tomorrow morning and we’ll break your water and get things rolling for you. So we went home.. my contractions got MUCH stronger and closer. By the time I got home and settled in after an hour or so, they were kinda fading so I took a nap. They stopped all together. I sent John to the health food store to grab some castor oil, um.. gross, and nothing happened anyways. I’ve heard it can get pretty darn messy taking that. I’m actually kinda glad I didn’t get the poops from it lol. So me and Paula walked, and just hung out, and John was here, we were just here together. After a couple hours, they started again, and were about 7 minutes apart, so I decided to go in the tub for a bit. While I was in there they moved to about 2-3 minutes apart. Man was I uncomfortable. I tell John I think we need to go. I couldn’t handle it no more, and I was sure this was it. It was a 1/2 hour drive back to the hospital and I didn’t want the baby to be born in the car! So john starts gathering things again, and I get out of the tub taking my time, I sit on the couch and suddenly they stop after a bit.. again.. ugh.. ok.. I was exhausted. I tell Paula I’m going to bed. It was 8:30pm, I had been up since 1:30 that morning remember when walker woke me up.. so I talk with John in private and John and I decide that I should go in the next morning and get my water broke. I was so tired, my belly hurt, and I was a bit scared. I was 4cm 90% effaced when I left the hospital that morning. Who knew how far I got since then. I was very worried the baby would come at home so we thought it was the best decision. I was able to sleep through the whole night, and knowing that I would be going in the morning, our boys stayed at grandmas. We get up and head to the hospital, it was a foggy, frosty beautiful morning. It was a good day to have a baby, and I knew this was the right choice to make. I knew I’d see our baby very soon.
Our birth photographer Katie met us there just after I got settled in, good morning Katie! 🙂
So my midwife comes in and breaks my water. She gets me set up to walk around and be able to have freedom. I’m walking, and walking and walking……. From 8:30 to about 1:30.. I’m feeling frustrated, tired, and watched. My photographer was there, my doula, and John. Plus the nurses, plus my midwife… and grandma texting asking.. it was exhausting. I feel like I’ve tried everything. I don’t know why my contractions didn’t start again. There was some here and there, but nothing that was doing anything.
With some pressure points getting rubbed, and nipple stimulation, there just was nothing happening. I was 5 cm and still only 90% effaced. My midwife says gently, it’s ok…. Can we try some pitocin? Not something I really wanted to do. My birth wasn’t supposed to be this way. I wanted a water birth, or at least labor in the water. It didn’t seem like anything was going the way I thought it could… but I say yes. she says a prayer with me..
.. suddenly the pain changed.. could feel my body start pushing.. and my midwife could hear that too.. she yelled , ” ang was that a push!”.. I said I don’t know, almost crying, breathing through this intense pain.. I rested with my eyes closed, still holding johns hands in front of me.. another contraction.. even stronger and longer… half way though yell “I think i have too..”.. and I just started pushing.. midwife had my lay back on my side quick and I just pushed.. I can’t say for sure what exactly happened.. all I know it was very painful, I felt like If I were to close my legs shut it could keep the pain from happening (the ring of fire).. and they just kept open and my body just kept pushing as I’m screaming.. midwife yells stop pushing!!!… we have an arm…. this scared me.. not knowing what the heck this even meant, I tried so hard not to push..i maybe took 3 big breaths trying to open my eyes, to see what is going on.. she finally said ok, go ahead.. , one last grunt and out came the baby!
John looked at me with tears welled up in his eyes and says it’s a girl.. my baby girl. .. ♥
I kept saying your here, your a girl!!
She was so perfect. Her cord was left alone till it was done pulsing. The nurses left me alone, one tried to dry her and I started telling her no so the midwife put the nurse in her place that no touching my baby. it was bliss.. I just held my baby girl.
she started moving toward my breast right away and latched on within I think 20 minutes , it seemed really quick. Time frame is not something I could keep track of, so maybe that time is off I’m not sure. The placenta was delivered, so I asked my Paula to check it out. It was cool to see the “tree of life”.
Then baby Girl went to daddy’s arms ♥
I’m so Very thankful that this Hospital is mom and baby friends (and dad).. they didn’t ask to place the baby on the warmer once.. didn’t try to take her, didn’t try to hold her or adjust her.. the only time they touched her was to put her had on, wrist bands and to weigh and measure her.
About 2 hours after she was born, we noticed she had a bump on the side of her head.. her head was trying to come out sideways, and she came out very fast.. I believe this is why my labor was not progressing normally without the pitocin. The bump actually swelled to pretty big by the second day. The dr says it was a pocket of blood in there (hematoma). After many blood tests and lots of exams they said she is just fine. So they sent us home at the 24 hour mark like we wanted.
The boys came very shortly after her birth, I think within 2 hours. Waylan was very emotional at first, he really wanted another baby brother. This was when John and I announced her name.. we wanted our boys to be the first ones to know.. and they were. Amelia Annabelle is here
They both went with grandma and grandpa, and got dinner, and after all the company left came back and spent some alone time together, they loved her up. They took turns holding her. They are both so in love. They came over and just examined every little part of her body.
I just feel so complete. John did great with me. It was hard for him at first when things first started out, he didn’t know what to do till it got to the un bearable point, all I know is I needed him. Choosing to have my water broke was a hard choice to make. I felt like I was cheating. And then getting the pictocin too, it was not either part of my birth plan. My midwife assured me that my labor wasn’t progressing quiet normal and that it was ok. Amelia’s head was just coming out so crooked lol. so I’m ok with everything, I’m at peace. Choosing to not have epi, and no kind of pain meds was something I’ll never regret. The pain isn’t anything describable but it was all worth it, I did it, and it felt right.
My life, my family is complete♥
My Parents drove 12 hours from Michigan, they drove strait to the hospital and arrived late in the evening close to 9pm I think. I didn’t get single photo of them there, but I was so tired, I was not even thinking. It was quite funny when I called to announce about 2 hours after she was born.. they were about 5 hours away still. I was eating my dinner, and John was cuddeling Amelia, I get on the phone with my dad, and I probly sounded pretty good to him.. his response to that was “your not gonna have the baby today are you?” in a very disappointed voice.. lol I say well.. I’m relaxing eating my dinner and John is holding the baby.. he says “he is!?.. is it a boy or a girl!?”… I tell him “well…”… I paused just long enough for him to say.. “your not gonna tell me are you” in that disappointed voice again.. It’s a girl dad, her name is Amelia Annabelle.. I could here him tell grandma.. it’s a girl, in the most relieved yet calm and excited way ever 🙂
After all visitors were gone, daddy and brothers went home, it was just me and Amelia
After finally getting some much needed rest when Amelia finally fell asleep in her bassinet.. I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, it was Amelia’s first morning on our earth.
Time for Amelia’s first bath.. I purchased an Herbal Bath kit, no soaps!.. both good for mom and baby.. so we took a bath together! She didn’t like it as much as I though she would.. but I really wanted to try and get that stuff out of her hair.
The hospital again is so cool about not rushing to do everything, and not trying to take your baby to do anything. They waited till the next day to even get her feet prints on her birth certificate After her first bath.
Finnally after many heal pricks to test her blood.. and a long day of waiting.. we got to pack and go home! I love that we had the option to go home after 24 hours. Infact I wish it were 12 hours. I just wanted to be in my own home, with my boys, in my own bed recovering and nursing and cuddling my baby. Such a good feeling to be leaving..
~home sweet home~
5 days First photo session
11 days new
I will end this post with this kiss.. thank you all for reading..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GIRL TODAY, 3-7-2014